You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future.... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."