I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a boo... - Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my heart. But it’s not for His benefit, it’s for my neighbors’."

"The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type."

"One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date."

"You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"

"Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything that helps support man through difficult times."