I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a boo... - Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"

"My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father."

"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."

"All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born."

"Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head."