"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."
"My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn."
"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."
"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."
"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"