"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."
"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."
"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."
"Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person."
"I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago."