More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."
"I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller."
"I let coffee drip into my mouth the same way I fall in love—slowly, as I wring out my shirt before going to scrub off the 32-ounce spill. I’m as romantic as a free-refill station that’s out of sugar, cream, and stirring sticks."
"A sofa on an elevator would be like a slow roller coaster where you get to work on your small talk skills. Oh yes, I am an adrenaline junky."
"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."