If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you... - Steven Wright

"Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"