The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ev... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."