More quotes by George Carlin

"I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I"in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I"in independence, individuality and integrity."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."