More quotes by George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."
"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."