More quotes by George Carlin

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."
"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."