"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."
"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."
"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."
"I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them."
"The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well."
"A lot of people go searching for “Truth.” But they can’t be searching too hard, because very few of them ever think to look under my bed."