I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is ju... - Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."

"Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-pound sack of manure he kept buckled up in the passenger seat. Grandpa said all they ever talked about was grass, but I know Grandpa used to do a little flirting, too."

"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."

"My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person."

"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."