I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is ju... - Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

"It’s been said that the most successful people are often early risers. So that’s why I started getting up in the afternoon, which is well before any “successful” person even thinks of going to bed."

"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."

"Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-pound sack of manure he kept buckled up in the passenger seat. Grandpa said all they ever talked about was grass, but I know Grandpa used to do a little flirting, too."

"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."

"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."