More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."
"My cup is full of air. I should empty it and fill it with love. Or coffee, as the two are synonymous to me."
"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder."
"When people ask me how I slept, I tell them I don’t know—I’ll have to ask The Professor, and read his notes on my performance."