Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"My brain? That's my second favorite organ."

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"I read in self-defense."

"Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine."