More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."
"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."
"I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true."
"She wants to teach me to dance, but how do you instruct water to flow? I'm so fluid all you can do is swim in my moves and drink my essence."
"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."