"Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bush."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."
"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."
"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"
"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."
"No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."