More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."
"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."
"I loved her, she loved him, and he loved himself. Now she loves me, he loves her, and I love myself as I am—without her in my life."