"I’m late to dinner, but I’m early to being in love. I’m such a gentleman that I hold every door open—even if the guy sitting in the bathroom stall is protesting."
"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."
"Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire."
"Be memorable. Say something unforgettable. Be silent."
"I’m more of a journalist than anyone in the mainstream media, and I write fiction. More than fiction, I write absurd nonsense surrealism, and my work has more truth."
"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."