"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."
"Do you want some fresh tomato soup to go? I’ll put it in a mesh strainer. Oh, if only love were as easy to contain as soup in a strainer."
"I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone."
"You should save your hard-earned dollars, because one day when you have no electricity you'll need a big stash to burn to keep yourself warm."
"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."
"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"