"Lying in bed listless, I wrote a list. I then had a list, but I was still listless. Perhaps because my list was of all the things I love, and every entry was you."
"I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding."
"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"
"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."
"I love kiss whispers—kisspers. Loose lips are full of passionate secrets."