"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."
"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."
"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."
"Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."
"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."