More quotes by George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"Meow” means “woof” in cat."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."