Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are yo... - Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf."

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"