More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."
"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."