"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."
"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."