"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."
"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."