"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."
"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."
"She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!"
"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."