"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."
"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."
"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."