More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."
"What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment."
"I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy."
"Either I will love you, or I will love you if and only if you love me in return. I prefer the former."