"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."
"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."
"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."
"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."
"Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden."
"The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well."