"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."
"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."
"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."
"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."
"I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer."
"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."