"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."
"I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up and excited."
"A lot of people go searching for “Truth.” But they can’t be searching too hard, because very few of them ever think to look under my bed."
"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."
"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."
"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."