More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"
"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."
"I fight like a rocking chair in a boxing ring. That’s also how I make love. I should probably sell popcorn at my shows to boost revenue."
"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."