More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."
"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."
"A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate to and embrace that mentality."
"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."
"My skull needs a tornado inside, to clean out my thoughts. I’ll call Kansas tomorrow to see if I can rent one for the day."