"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."
"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."
"I have the superhero gift of invisibility. I must be invisible, because the woman I love doesn’t see me. I might as well be into Helen Keller."
"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."
"One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people."
"I’ll sit on a soda and drink a sofa. It’s just healthier. You should see how I make love. Show starts at 8:00. Tickets are ten bucks at the window."