More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."
"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."