More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."