Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off. - Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

"The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories."

"Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it."

"Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago."

"I’m hungry to win. I should enter a hotdog eating contest."

"Success, if I simply gave it to you, you wouldn’t have the pleasure of taking it."