Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off. - Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

"The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories."

"I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system already does."

"Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it."

"I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming."

"If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark."