The big uncookable sections of who we are, they’re the ones... - Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

"Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago."

"I’m hungry to win. I should enter a hotdog eating contest."

"The people need to know that the people need to know. And I’m just the man to let them know that they need to know. However, what they need to know, I do not know."

"The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories."

"Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off."