Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

"The Chinese used gunpowder to make fireworks for celebrations, and the white man came along and said, Holy shit, we can use this to kill people. What better way to celebrate than that?"

"Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago."

"I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system already does."

"Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off."

"Success, if I simply gave it to you, you wouldn’t have the pleasure of taking it."

"The chimes were clinging in the wind. Or were they clanging, and clinging to hope?"

"I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming."

"If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark."

"The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories."

"Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it."

"The big uncookable sections of who we are, they’re the ones I love to taste the most."

"The people need to know that the people need to know. And I’m just the man to let them know that they need to know. However, what they need to know, I do not know."

"I’m hungry to win. I should enter a hotdog eating contest."