"She's beautiful, but so what? If the University of Florida taught me anything, it's that beautiful women are everywhere. The trick is to find the diamond among all the glittering cubic zirconias."
"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."
"I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them."
"I can't throw away cologne because that is Nostalgia in a Bottle, the scent of yesterday, and it reminds me of her more clearly than her picture."
"We had a lavender kind of love, so soothing and smooth, and if I could bottle up what we had, you'd want it all over your body."
"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."