More quotes by Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed,"but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!"
"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them"
"Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold."
"If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf."
"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."