"Sometimes looking like you know is better than actually knowing. People respect you, and defer to you, yet you don’t have the burden that comes with heavy knowledge."
"I carry a shower curtain folded up neatly in my wallet, because you never know when you’ll never know."
"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."
"Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?"
"Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco."
"I sell Ziploc bags. They’re not empty—they’re full of hope."