If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two ce... - Steven Wright

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."