"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."
"Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture."
"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."