"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."
"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"