"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."
"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."
"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."