The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, beca... - Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning."

"I walk with a purpose. And a limp. (The limp helps serve my purpose, which is to gain sympathy.)"

"Success is suffocating. The air is thinner at the top."