More quotes by Groucho Marx

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."
"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."