From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I... - Groucho Marx

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."