From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I... - Groucho Marx

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."

"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."