From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I... - Groucho Marx

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Before I speak, I have something important to say."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."