Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. - Groucho Marx

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."