"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."
"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."
"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."
"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."
"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."