"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."
"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."
"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."
"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."