"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."
"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."
"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."