"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."
"We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."
"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."
"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."