"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."
"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."
"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."
"I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery."
"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."
"My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn."