More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"Her and I, we have a two chairs and a table kind of love. You should pull up a feeling and have a seat."
"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"I always look like I’m lying. I was born with a politician’s face. You’ll know I’m in love when I have a Vote For Me look in my eyes."