"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."
"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."
"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."
"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."