Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."

"People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life."

"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."

"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."